 Her legacy |
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
What's in a name... ??? Sometimes... alot!!!
Amanda was definately worthy of being loved... and it seems fitting that the first meaning of her name, Amanda, has a connection with poets and playwrights/writers since she really had a place in her heart and a natural talent for these things (along with having the very appropriate nickname of “Drama Queen”). The last variation here of her name "Mandalyn" is also appropriate because i named her "Amanda Lynn"... and when i talked to her or about her i usually called her 'Manda or 'MandaLynn... isn't it funny how things turn out sometimes... I love you 'Manda, my sweet girl.
Amanda Female English Worthy of being loved. Literary; poets and playwrights brought this name into popular usage in the seventeenth century.
Amanda Female Spanish Lovable
Diamanda Female English Of high value; brilliant. The precious diamond stone.
Manda Female English Abbreviation of Amanda worthy of being loved.
Mandi Female English Abbreviation of Amanda worthy of being loved.
Mandie Female English Abbreviation of Amanda worthy of being loved.
Mandy Female English Abbreviation of Amanda worthy of being loved.
Mandalyn Female English Abbreviation of Amanda worthy of being loved.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Strength & Courage...
with a bit of an attitude thrown in for good measure! That is Amanda's legacy... she was such an example to so many people... her interaction with others during her life will have affects for years to come... like ripples in a pond... it's amazing the difference one person's life can make in this world. we are so fortunate to have had amanda in our lives... i am so blessed to have had her as my daughter... i will be forever greatful for the fact that she was part of this world and made it a brighter, livlier, and more adventurous place while she was here, and that continues even now that she has moved on. thank you baby, you are awesome.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
God understands my pain...
Note: On april 30, 2005 I started a journal. Finding out that my daughter had such a serious disease, and knowing what might lay ahead was so overwhelming. As a mom i couldn't think of anything any more terrifying than the prospect of losing my child. And the road ahead seemed so complicated, i didn't know how i/we were going to get through it. I had so much emotion and just "stuff" rolling around in my head, I thought that it might help me as we went through all the treatments, hospital stays, etc. that were coming up for amanda... this was the ONLY entry I made... we had only gone through some initial treatments while waiting for a donor to be found, not even chemo yet, but it was always something... blood tests twice a week, the iv treatments 3 times a week, the uncertainty of everything, the magnitude of what we were dealing with, etc. etc. etc...i got caught up in the whirlwind of it all and forgot about the journal... but i got this one entry down on paper... and wanted to add it here...
4/30/05
My heart is heavy... my heart is fragile... my heart is going to explode into a million pieces... my heart is lost. My mind struggles with being positive... my mind is confused and overrun with information... my mind is lost. My body is weak... my body is tired... my body tries so hard to keep up with it all...my body hurts... i feel lost.
I am calm on the outside... most of the time. I smile and nod my head... I absorb as much information as i can and at the same time, deep inside, there is a voice screaming "NO MORE! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!". As I jot downone more appointment... one more procedure..., one more question to ask... one more concern. How much can I handle? How much more can happen and me maintain my sanity?
God is good. He is faithful. He continues to carry me and my whole family in the palm of His hand. When I cry, He holds me... When i cry out in pain that only a mother can feel, He listens and says "I am here"... when I get angry and clinch my fists and throw things, He stands beside me, watches, and says "I am here".
When I contemplate the pain and agony that my child will soon go through... when my heart is aching... when i hurt so deeply and cannot even speak... when I imagine the loss of my precious child (on any level)... He holds me close and whispers to me "I knowhow you feel...".
... I know He speaks from experience... and for the moment, my heart is comforted. The tears are stilled... until the next time...
Footnote: There were many more tears, many more sleepless nights... so many appointments, tests, treatments, etc... the days and nights were so full that they ran together and I lost track of what day was what... but we did what we had to do. Amanda handled herself with such strength and dignity, she was so determined... and we were so encouraged! Things were going so well, we just knew everything was going to be ok. But it was not meant to be. And in the end, though she lost this battle here on earth, everything is indeed ok. I ache with the loss of my precious girl, i miss her so much (as do so many people that love her!) And I wish so much that she was still here... but not at the expense of her suffering, not with her in pain or wasting away from a horrible disease that is ravaging her young body. God spared her that... He knew she had done all she could... physically, mentally and emotionally.... she had so much suffering and pain ahead of her... things that she would not have been able to endure. He spared her that, and took her to a better place... where she is healed, and whole, and happy, and will no longer feel pain or sadness. I am at peace with her death, I know that it happened at the right time. I will always mourn the loss of her presense in my life, her energy... everything about her! But I will be eternally greatful that she was spared much worse things in this earthly life. I feel truly blessed to have had her in my life, and that she touched so many lives while she was here.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
My First Christmas in Heaven...
I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below,
With tiny lights, like heavens stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular please wipe away the tears,
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
But the sounds of music can’t compare with the Christmas Choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart,
But I am not so far away, we really aren’t apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones, you know I hold you dear,
And be glad I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above,
I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
After all, love is more precious than pure gold,
It was always most important in stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do,
For I can’t count the blessings or love he has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear,
Remember I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
If I Only Knew...
If I knew it would be the last time
I'd see you fall asleep,
I'd tuck you in more tightly,
And pray your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last time
I'd see you walk out the door,
I'd hug you and kiss you--and call you
Back for just one more.
If I knew it would be the last time
We'd spare a minute or two,
I'd stop and say "I love you,"
Instead of assuming you know I do.
If I knew it would be the last time
I'd be there to share your day,
I wouldn't wait until tomorrow,
Letting time with you slip away.
For surely there is a tomorrow
To make up for an oversight,
And we'll always get a second chance
To make everything all right.
There will always be another chance
To say our "I love yous,"
And certainly there's another chance
To say our "What I can dos."
But just in case I might be wrong,
And today is all I get,
I'd like to say I love you,
And hope you never forget.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
Young or old alike,
And today might be your last chance
To hold your loved one tight.
So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
Why not do it all today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
You will surely regret the day
You didn't take the extra time
For a smile or hug or kiss.
And you surely aren't too busy to grant
What may be their last wish.
So hold your loved ones close today,
And whisper in their ear;
Tell them how much you love them,
And that you'll always hold them dear.
Take the time to say "I'm sorry,"
"Forgive me," or "It's okay,"
And if tomorrow never comes,
You'll have no regrets about today.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
GODS'S GARDEN MUST BE BEAUTIFUL
God's looked around the gardens,
and found an empty space.
He looked down upon the earth,
and saw your tired face.
He put his arms around you,
and lifted you to rest.
God's garden must be beautiful
for he only takes the best.
He knew that you were weary,
and he knew you were in pain.
He knew that you would never
be well on earth again.
He saw the roads were getting rough,
and the hills were hard to climb.
So he closed your weary eyelids,
and whispered peace be thine.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
A Grieving Parents Wish List...
Y I wish my daughter hadn't died. I wish I had her back.
Y I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak her name. My daughter lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that she was important to you also.
Y If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my baby girl, I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. The loss of my child's presence in my life is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my daughter and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
Y Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever. So even if it is awkward for you, and you really don't know what to say... just say "hi" or "it's good to see you".
Y I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my precious girl; my favorite topic of the day.
Y I know that you think of and pray for me often, and for this I thank you with all my heart. I also know that Amanda's death pains you too. I wish you would let me know these things through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.
Y I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over. These first years will be traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the loss of my child till the day i die and go to join her.
Y I am working hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always, always miss my sweet Amanda and I will always grieve that she is dead. Her loss will never get easier, but i will get better at dealing with it.
Y I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or "be
happy and go on with life". My life has changed forever, nothing will ever be the same for me. i have to find my own new sense of "normal",so don't frustrate yourself.
Y I don't want to have a "pity party", but I do wish you would let me grieve. In my own way, in my own time, and for as often or as long as i need to. I must hurt before I can heal.
Y I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.
Y When I say, "I'm doing okay", I wish you could understand that I don't "feel" okay all the time, and that I struggle daily. But if i say that i am okay, then at that moment, i am.
Y I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.
Y Your advice to "take it one day at a time" is excellent advice. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.
Y Please forgive me if I seem rude, it's certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.
Y I wish you understood that grief changes people. When Amanda died, a big part of me died with her. I am not the same person I was before my daughter died and I will never be that person again.
Y I wish very much that you could understand ~ understand my loss and my grief. But, I pray daily that you will never truly understand it, because to do that you would have to experience it for yourself. And i hope and pray you never have to.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
If you have any material to add to this section, please contact the
website manager.
If you are the website manager, you can enter edit mode to upload material by clicking
here. |
|
|
| Bring the memories home by publishing your online memorial as a genuine hardcover keepsake |
|
Add to favorites 
