Memorial website in the memory of your loved one
This site is in memory of our sweet precious daughter Amanda Cox. She was born in Arizona on July 25, 1989 at 2:30 am. She weighed 10lb 3oz and was 22-1/2" long. She was in such a hurry to enter this world, the Doctor had to literally catch her by her ankle! Amanda was a force to be reckoned with right from the start and she definately made her opinions known!  I am in the process of making her timelime and you're welcome to go there and learn more about who she was and how she was while growing up. My goal is to make a scrapbook page of each memory logged in her time line. I want all her nieces and nephews to be able to know about thier very special aunt as they grow up too.

We lost our beautiful girl on November 13, 2005 at 4:51am at the University of Kansas Medical Center. She was 16 yrs old. We know that everything possible was done by our team of doctors, by us, and by Amanda herself... there just wasn't anything more... and it was time for her to leave this life and not be sick or suffering. She is in a much better place now, with her PaPa and many others who have gone on before her, and we are at peace with that although we mourn the loss of her physical presence in our lives. I miss my baby girl so very much.

She became ill the last week of Nov '04, and was diagnosed with Myelodysplastic Syndrome (a pre leukemia cancer of the blood) the first week of Jan '05. Amanda underwent a week of Chemo Therapy at the end of May 2005 and a bone marrow transplant on June 3, 2005. She did very well till she became ill at the end of September. After being hospitalized several times and getting her through a rough bout of the flu, another bone marrow test was done to check on her progress. At the end of October, the test results showed that not only had the MDS relapsed, but it had converted to AML (acute myelogenic leukemia) and was worse than before. she would have to undergo even more intensive (month long) round of chemo, an extended hospital stay (minimum of 3 months), and a second bone marrow transplant. The treatment would make her very very sick, without a doubt, and the chances of getting her through that treatment without her body becoming septic (an infection in the bloodstream) and getting her to a point where she would be ready for a 2nd BMT (bone marrow transplant) was less than a 20% chance. we also found out that her original donor was no longer available, so they would have to find another donor IFwe could get to that point. amanda was discharged from the hospital with the intention of her returning 2-3 days later to start the chemo therapy... she never made it that far. she was back in the hospital a day and a half later due to a fever that kept slowly going up.

Amanda developed pneumonia, but they weren't sure why or from what. eventually we found out it was CMV pneumonia, which is a very common and dangerous thing to a transplant patient. she had gone through a battle with CMV just after her BMT in june, at that time it was in her bloodstream and a little easier to target. luckily her body was able to bounce back from it. the CMV virus is like the chicken pox virus in that once you have it, it stays dorment in your system for the rest of your life. with a transplant patient, it can resurface due to their immune system being so depleted.

Even with the help of some amazing medical care and medicines that were made available, the pneumonia continued to get worse inspite of the treatments, breathing became much too difficult for her and Amanda ended up on a ventolater to try to give her lungs the best chance possible while the medicines had time to do their job. The doctors in the PICU were great, along with her regular team of doctors. they did everything they could to help her get well. the nurses were amazing, we will forever be greatful for the level of care Amanda recieved.

She fought valiently! Amanda gave it everything she had, but her body could not do anymore... Amanda took her last breaths while lying in my arms at 4:51am, on Sunday November 13, 2005. I held her when she entered this life, and I held her when she left it. Although i miss her so terribly much,  i am truly thankful that she is no longer hurting or in pain. We know she did all she could, she fought so hard! We also knew what was ahead of her with all the other treatments that would be happening, trying to fight the AML. She was spared so much worse pain and suffering. For that i am truly thankful.

Amanda had an amazing love for life and a very spunky spirit! i used to give her such a hard time about her attitude! Sometimes it was a good thing, but sometimes it got her into trouble! And it sure did try our patience at times! after she got sick, i would tell her and her doctors... "She can have all the attitude she wants right now. i'll take an attitude anytime! if she's well enough to have an attitude and be bossy we're doing good!"... i know she's got to be talking someone's ear off or giving someone an attitude about something even now! :-)

Amanda loved music, writing poetry, drawing, and reading... she had taken karate and judo, obtaining a yellow and an orange belt in karate. her favorite move was the roundhouse kick! she never met a stranger... she could meet someone on the street and talk to them for a couple hours, walking away thinking of them as a friend, even if she never saw them again! She had a compassion and love for animals that bordered on the insane! lol Whether it was a pet of our own, a friend or neighbors pet, or a stray or wild animal, she loved them all and would have take them all if she could! she loved her family and was fiercely loyal to them and to her friends. she loved fill-it-in puzzles, and amazed me how she could do them so easily! her favorite colors were pink and orange and she was crazy about spondgebob! her adoration and respect for her big brother chris was incredible, especially after growing up together and fighting so much! being 8 years apart was rather a strain on both of them at times! lol her favorite person in the whole world, other than her papa who passed away in Nov'03, is chris' baby daughter elena. She was able to see and hold her just a day after she was born, and the bond was set. Amanda adored her! And the feeling was and is very mutual. Elena turned 1 yr old on Dec 3rd, just shortly after Amanda passed. she would still look at a pictue of amanda and then go get the phone and bring it to her mama wanting to call her aunt 'manda. bless her heart she didn't understand, but we will make sure that she will grow up knowing all about her aunt 'manda that loved her so dearly.

Just before amanda got sick this last time, she was able to get her learner's permit and drive... something that thrilled her so much! she had driving in her blood and drove the car for the first time when she was only 20 months old! (long story! lol), and then drove the car again when she was 12 (another long story! lol)... we were glad to see her finally drive legally! lol we have many wonderful memories of her, good, bad and frustrating, and we are so proud and have an incredibly deep love and sorrow at the loss of her presence in our lives. I truly believe that the world has suffered an enormous loss because amanda is no longer here, but she touched so many lives and made such a difference in so many ways. She lived a short life, but it was a full and busy one. we used to comment and puzzle over the fact that she was always in such a hurry to grow up! maybe something inside of her urged her on, knowing she wasn't going to have a long life, so it had to be a full and exciting one! who knows!?
 
i know she is in a better place and that we will see her again some day. for now, she is with her papa once again and so many other people that have gone on before her. she is gone from our sight, but never forgotten in our hearts. I love you and miss you so much my precious baby girl. it is hard, but it is ok. i promised you that i would be ok, and i am keeping that promise. you don't have to worry about me, momma is just fine. sending special angel hugs and kisses to you my darling girl. give my daddy a hug for me, ok? :-)
Click here to see Amanda Cox's
Family Tree
Tributes and Condolences
Time keeps passing...   / Rhonda Gregory (Momma)
Well my sweet girl... time just keeps passing. I see everybody going on with their lives... getting married... going to college... working... having babies... i'm happy for them but at the same time i feel a pang of grief... of jealousy... of sadness...  Continue >>
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETHEART!   / Rhonda Gregory (Momma)
this time 22 years ago i was having just a little bit of discomfort... but for good reason! my sweet amanda was soon to be born! i was so anxious to meet her to hold her to get to know her!

Juli 25 1989 at 2:30am

10lb 3oz 22-1/2...  Continue >>
so much, and so little   / Rhonda Gregory (Momma)
well my sweet girl... i miss you so much. nothing every changes that. i know i will see you one day but it seems so far off. so many little things happen from day to day that let me know you are near that make me smile in spite of the pain and i'm so...  Continue >>
You were the water to my ocrean.   / Sierra Beary (Best Friend )
My baby girl my sister & most of all my best friend.Ive been able to deal with alot on my own since you left me & started watching me from above. Im sure you know what Im going through with Courtney I know you wouldnt let god give m...  Continue >>
Thank you for sharing your journey   / Amanda Cox (None)
I came across this while googling my own name. Your love for your daughter is overwhelming . I have lost my mother and my sister. You creating this site has encouraged me to do something similar for them. It saddens me that my kids didn't get to know...  Continue >>
2/22/08 such sweet memories...  / Rhonda Gregory (Momma)    Read >>
2/19/08 hey baby girl, thinking about you...  / Rhonda Gregory (Momma)    Read >>
2/1/08... just thinking of you...  / Rhonda Gregory (Momma)    Read >>
12/15/2007 hello my sweet girl... tis the season...  / Rhonda Gregory (Momma)    Read >>
11/21/07... Thankful, Thanksgiving, Thank You...  / Rhonda Gregory (Momma)    Read >>
So sorry  / Tim Gallagher (None)    Read >>
11/12/07... it's been two years baby...  / Rhonda Gregory (Momma)    Read >>
10/31/07... Such a fun but difficult day...  / Rhonda Gregory (Momma)    Read >>
10/29/07, 3:15am... oh my sweet girl... i miss you...  / Rhonda Gregory (Momma)    Read >>
10/13/07 one more month...  / Rhonda Gregory (Momma)    Read >>
More tributes and condolences...
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Her legacy
Pennies From Heaven  



I found a penny today
Just laying on the ground.
But it's not just a penny,
This little coin I've found.

Found pennies come from heaven,
That's what someone once told me. 
They said that Angels toss them down.
Oh, could that really be? 

They said when an Angel misses you,
They toss a penny down.
Sometimes just to cheer you up,
To make a smile out of your frown.

So, don't pass by that penny,
When you are feeling blue.
It may be a penny from heaven,
That an Angel has tossed to you.

"When Tomorrow Starts Without Me"  

When tomorrow starts without me
and I'm not there to see
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
all filled with tears for me.

I'll wish so much you wouldn't cry
the way you do this day
While thinking of the many things 
we didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me
as much as I love you
And each time that you think of me 
I'll know you miss me too. 

But when tomorrow starts without me
please try to understand
That an angel came and called my name
and took me by my hand.

And said my place was ready
in Heaven far above
And that I'd have to leave behind
all those I dearly love. 

But as I turned to walk away
a tear fell from my eye
For all my life I'd always thought 
I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for
so much yet to do
It seemed almost impossible
that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays
the good ones and the bad
I thought of all the love we shared
and all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday
just even for a while
I'd say goodbye and kiss you
and hope to see you smile.

But then I fully realized 
that this could never be
For emptiness and memories
would take the place of me. 

And when I thought of worldly things
I might miss come tomorrow
I thought of you and when I did
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through Heaven's gates
I felt so much at home
When God looked down and smiled at me
from His great golden throne.

He said, "This is eternity
and all I've promised you
Today your life on earth is past
but here it starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow
for today will always last
And since each day's the same day
there's no longing for the past. 

But you have been so faithful
so trusting and so true
Though there were times you did some things
you knew you shouldn't do. 

But you have been forgiven
and now at last you're free
So won't you take my hand
and share eternity with me?"

So when tomorrow starts without me
don't think we're far apart
For every time you think of me
I'm right here.....inside your heart.

~ Author Unknown ~


 

A Grieving Parents Wish List...  
Y I wish my daughter hadn't died. I wish I had her back.

Y
I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak her name. My daughter lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that she was important to you also.

Y
If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my baby girl, I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. The loss of my child's presence in my life is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my daughter and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.

Y
Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever. So even if it is awkward for you, and you really don't know what to say... just say "hi" or "it's good to see you".

Y
I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my precious girl; my favorite topic of the day.

Y
I know that you think of and pray for me often, and for this I thank you with all my heart. I also know that Amanda's death pains you too. I wish you would let me know these things through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.

Y
I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over. These first years will be traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the loss of my child till the day i die and go to join her.

Y
I am working hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always, always miss my sweet Amanda and I will always grieve that she is dead. Her loss will never get easier, but i will get better at dealing with it.

Y
I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or "be
happy and go on with life". My life has changed forever, nothing will ever be the same for me. i have to find my own new sense of "normal",so don't frustrate yourself.

Y
I don't want to have a "pity party", but I do wish you would let me grieve. In my own way, in my own time, and for as often or as long as i need to. I must hurt before I can heal.

Y
I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.

Y
When I say, "I'm doing okay", I wish you could understand that I don't "feel" okay all the time, and that I struggle daily. But if i say that i am okay, then at that moment, i am.

Y
I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.

Y
Your advice to "take it one day at a time" is excellent advice. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.

Y
Please forgive me if I seem rude, it's certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.

Y I wish you understood that grief changes people. When Amanda died, a big part of me died with her. I am not the same person I was before my daughter died and I will never be that person again.

Y
I wish very much that you could understand ~ understand my loss and my grief. But, I pray daily that you will never truly understand it, because to do that you would have to experience it for yourself. And i hope and pray you never have to.
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Amanda's Photo Album
Amanda
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